erase. rewind. fast forward.

Tonight I browsed several blogs. I so long to be one of those fabulous people who has the discipline to write about their ultra-hip life without becoming too contrived. Time will tell.

In the meantime, It's been awhile. I started a tumblr blog (also by the name of impossiblesix) but never really connected with it the way I did this little blog. This little relic of such a crazy, passionate, whirlwind, of self discovery and living. Looking back on the shattered dream of this time period breaks my heart. Truly. Briefly I thought of deleting all of the posts. I declined to.

This is me. I was here. I lived. I loved. I love still. I don't regret.

I deleted some posts but I kept a great many. The only relationship post that survives is the tale of a wild adventure sailing the high seas. One of my many happiest memories of that time.

I remain convinced a man who does not read to me while I'm in the bath cannot possibly be my soul mate.

But that was then. This is now.

The current love of my life is my 85 year old Grandmother, Nora Kate. In her age weathered hands she holds my heart. When my life began to unravel I moved home to take care of her. She had just been placed on hospice care and the thought of her being admitted to a nursing home crushed my spirit. I knew I was in a period of upheaval so I decided to burn everything down and emerge like a pegasus. I quit my eclectic high-paying job, packed up, and here I am still. There's been a lot of unraveling in the past year or so. I came here to take care of her and mostly she takes care of me. I can't even write about it without tearing up. This is me crying, I am terribly emotional.

This is a quiet time in my life. A much needed quiet time. A reflective time.

Today's reflection:
I saw via a rather silly television sitcom rerun some bit about "announcing dreams." Essentially an announcing dream is one wherein a reincarnating spirit communicates with its future mother. The belief is that reincarnation is the binding of spirits together in life that binding is a communication process. The announcing dream is a way for the reincarnating spirit to introduce itself as it were to the spirit already incarnated. A message that says "I'm ready to be here now", that asks "can I spend this time with your spirit", etc. An intensely beautiful thought. It instantly brought to mind an incredibly vivid dream I had in January. I saw a baby sitting in a high chair, the high chair I sat in as an infant, in the kitchen of my family's home at that time. I knew instantly, that was my baby, my son. I longed to meet him. I woke up miffed because by day I had been daydreaming of a little girl I could name after my grandmother. I was also a bit baffled as the dream had a feeling of imediacy and I was not then (and am not now) discussing the possibility of marriage with anyone. Nonetheless it was haunting then, it is haunting now. I believe in the power of dreams. The rest of my thoughts on the matter remain between me and my frozen banana yogurt - which I am eating with a runcible spoon.

Dare to dream,
B.